DABS DEN PRODS

The Original Kings of "Sounds Like" Comedy

HIGHLAND PARK, CA

EST. 2016

Fastest Person in Highland Park

ATTN Citizens of Highland Park, Los Angeles, CA:

My name is Austin Miller, and I’m the reigning Fastest Person in Highland Park.

Since moving to Highland Park nearly 2 ½ years ago, I've navigated insurmountable adversities including: a gunfight in my driveway, a rare form of Typhoid Fever, and an elaborate financial scam carried out by a bastard from Abu Dhabi. Despite everything the Universe has thrown at me, I'm still somehow faster than anyone else in my neighborhood. To wit, on May 12, 2018, I'm hosting a 5K race for any Highland Park residents foolish enough to challenge me. (see details below)

 Poster by  Reggie Henke

Poster by Reggie Henke

DATE: SATURDAY, MAY 12, 2018

TIME: 8:00AM

DISTANCE: 5K

RACE LOCATION: ARROYO SECO BIKE PATH

*Starting line is directly under the bridge where John Cusack tried to kill himself in Better Off Dead (1985).


To register for FPIHP, simply fill out the following form:

YOUR NAME *
YOUR NAME
What's your personal record for 5K? (mins:secs)
Your feeble attempts to intimidate me will only make me STRONGER.

Once registered, you'll receive more specific information closer to the race via email.

All comers are welcome to participate in this race provided that you actually live in Highland Park. On the day of the race, be sure to bring at least one form of identification along with a recent piece of mail to verify your address. It’s completely free to compete. The joy of winning will be more than enough payment for me.

 

Humbly yours,

Austin Miller A.K.A. The Fastest Person in Highland Park, CA