FPIHP 2018 RESULTS UNDER REVIEW
PLEASE CHECK BACK FOR FINAL RULING
ATTN Citizens of Highland Park, Los Angeles, CA:
My name is Austin Miller, and I’m the reigning Fastest Person in Highland Park.
Since moving to Highland Park nearly 2 ½ years ago, I've navigated insurmountable adversities including: a gunfight in my driveway, a rare form of Typhoid Fever, and an elaborate financial scam carried out by a bastard from Abu Dhabi. Despite everything the Universe has thrown at me, I'm still somehow faster than anyone else in my neighborhood. To wit, on May 12, 2018, I'm hosting a 5K race for any Highland Park residents foolish enough to challenge me. (see details below)
DATE: SATURDAY, MAY 12, 2018
RACE LOCATION: ARROYO SECO BIKE PATH
*Starting line is directly under the bridge where John Cusack tried to kill himself in Better Off Dead (1985).
To register for FPIHP, simply fill out the following form:
Once registered, you'll receive more specific information closer to the race via email.
All comers are welcome to participate in this race provided that you actually live in Highland Park. On the day of the race, be sure to bring at least one form of identification along with a recent piece of mail to verify your address. It’s completely free to compete. The joy of winning will be more than enough payment for me.
A.K.A. The Fastest Person in Highland Park, CA